5 Conversations Every Couple Should Have About Money Before Moving In Together

Moving in together is a huge milestone in any relationship. It’s exciting, romantic, and often feels like the natural next step. But here’s something I see far too often in my work as a therapist: couples make the decision to share a home before they’ve had a real, honest conversation about money.

Sometimes the talk never happens at all. Other times, it’s limited to a quick exchange about how much each person makes or who will pay which bill. But when it comes to building a strong, lasting partnership, financial transparency is just as important as emotional intimacy.

Knowing your partner’s income is a start — but it’s not the whole picture. You also need to know about their expenses, habits, debts, and values when it comes to money. Without these conversations, couples can find themselves stressed, resentful, or blindsided by financial surprises.

That’s why I encourage every couple to have these five key conversations about money before moving in together.

1. Decide Where You’ll Live — and What You Can Afford Together

The first thing to discuss is the “where.” Are you both moving into a new place together? Or is one of you moving into a home the other already lives in?

This might seem like a simple logistical question, but it can have big financial (and emotional) implications. If you’re moving into a home that one person already owns or rents, be mindful of the power dynamic it can create. Does the new person feel like a guest instead of an equal partner? Can both of you realistically afford the cost of living there?

Questions to ask each other:

• What’s our combined housing budget?

• Can we afford this home on both of our incomes, if something changes?

• If one person already owns or rents the space, will the other contribute to the mortgage or rent — and how much?

The goal here is to make sure both partners feel comfortable and confident about the living arrangement — financially and emotionally.

2. Agree on Each Person’s Contribution

Every couple handles finances differently, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some couples split everything 50/50. Others base their contributions on a percentage of income so it feels fairer when one person earns more. And in some relationships, one partner works outside the home while the other contributes in non-financial ways — through childcare, housework, or managing the household.

The key is to define and agree on what “contribution” means for your relationship. Even if it’s not money, it’s still valuable. What matters is that both of you see it as fair and that you’ve agreed on it ahead of time.

Questions to ask each other:

• How will we divide expenses? By percentage, by income, or evenly?

• If one of us isn’t working, what non-financial contributions will balance things out?

• Will these contributions be flexible if our circumstances change?

3. Decide How You’ll Organize and Manage Money

This is where a lot of couples get tripped up. Will you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or a combination of both? Some couples keep a “household account” for shared bills and maintain separate personal accounts for individual spending. Others merge everything.

If you earn different incomes, you may want to split shared expenses proportionally so neither person feels financially strained. It’s also important to decide who will actually manage the logistics: paying bills, tracking expenses, and making sure everything is covered.

Questions to ask each other:

• Will we have joint, separate, or hybrid accounts?

• Who will handle paying bills and tracking our spending?

• How will we communicate about larger purchases?

• Will we set spending limits for what we can spend without discussing first?

4. Plan for Repairs, Emergencies, and the Unexpected

Life happens. Appliances break. Cars need repairs. A pet gets sick. Or someone loses a job. How you handle these moments can make or break your financial harmony.

Before moving in together, talk about how you’ll prepare for and handle unexpected costs. Will you build an emergency fund together? Will repairs to a home you own be a shared expense or the owner’s responsibility?

Questions to ask each other:

• How much will we set aside for emergencies?

• If the house needs a repair, who’s responsible for paying?

• How will we handle a major drop in income for one of us?

5. Talk About Fun Money — Dates, Trips, and Extras

Once you live together, the way you spend on “extras” often changes. Dinner dates, weekend getaways, and even little indulgences can shift when you’re sharing bills. It’s easy to let these things slide — but keeping romance and fun alive is important for your relationship.

Talk about how you’ll fund these shared experiences. Will you have a “fun budget” each month? Will trips be planned and saved for together? And how will you make sure neither of you feels guilty about spending money on things you enjoy?

Questions to ask each other:

• How much should we set aside for dates and entertainment each month?

• How will we save for bigger trips or experiences?

• What counts as a “splurge” that we should agree on together?

Final Thoughts

Moving in together is about more than merging furniture — it’s about merging lives. And that means bringing your financial lives into alignment, too. These conversations might feel awkward at first, but they’re worth it. When you’re clear about expectations, contributions, and responsibilities, you set your relationship up for trust, fairness, and shared success.

You don’t need to agree on everything right away — but you do need to start talking. Think of it as your first “Money Date” as a couple living under one roof. The more you practice these conversations, the easier they become.

If you’re not sure where to start, I’ve created a free Money Date Night Agenda you can download that walks you through these questions step-by-step. It’s a fun, stress-free way to start building financial harmony before you unpack your first box.

Here’s to love — and financial peace — in your new home.